Artistic development of a children's book, breath of joy, grief, Guides, Listening, nurturing life, second grade, short stories, Speak Wonder

Listening is Love

By Kathy Joy, author of Will You Hold My Story? a Picture Book

Listening is a verb. I looked it up. If you need a quick reminder, a verb is “a word expressing action,” according to Webster’s.

Hmmmm. “Action” suggests movement, flow, shifting, adjusting. If anything, listening seems passive, fixed, static.

We moms know a little about the action of listening. I am a mom, but I still need my mom to listen over the dining room table.

When you really think about it, listening takes a certain skill set. It involves intentionally hitting the “Pause Button” of your day and entering into another person’s story. And their story matters. Your choice to listen to it is an action of love toward them.

There’s a cute story I heard once, about a little boy who wanted desperately for his Mommy to know everything about his day. The lad burst into the kitchen where she was prepping the evening meal. As he told his fabulous story, she continued dicing, slicing and sauteing. I’m sure she heard every word; we moms are professional multi-taskers.

Still, that wasn’t enough for the boy. He became exasperated. “Mom!” he cried out. “You’re not listening!

“Oh, yes, honey. I’m listening,” she replied.

“No! I need you to listen with your eyes.”

Wow.  The kid has a point. Listening, if it’s truly an action word, involves putting down the spatula and locking eyes with the storyteller.

Listening is something we think we are doing, when in fact we are pushing the storyteller to the margins; hearing him on the periphery. We think we’ve heard the story, but oh! How much we miss.

I am guilty as charged. Countless times, I have “listened” to the ones I love while checking my phone, scanning the menu, watching the weather channel and searching for my car keys. Is this listening? Really?! No, actually, not.

I’m practicing hitting the “Pause Button”

I’m practicing hitting the “pause button” but I’m not as successful as I’d like to be.

This happened recently when my daughter tried to convey something to me in the car.

Distracted listening is not intentionally loving. It’s minimizing. The storyteller can’t be sure your mind, much less, your heart was open to retaining the information. We are telling that precious soul we are taking in words, but not absorbing the weight and importance of the words.

How likely will this lovely daughter, this marvelous human being, come back to me with new stories to tell? The odds are getting slimmer.

I need to hit the Pause Button, silence the phone, pull the car to the curb, and just listen.

Now, before you think you are already well-versed in the art of listening, I have a simple challenge: try listening with no agenda. Go ahead. Try. It’s really hard. Honestly — I sat with a friend recently. As she shared her story, pouring out her heart, I could hardly wait to find an opening and tell my own story.

This is really not okay. Because, in that place where my brain was buzzing with the answers, the opinions, the questions and my own stories, I was missing her words. And they weren’t just words; they were pieces of her heart, laid out there on the table — bare and trembling and aching to be heard.

To march in with my pat answers is a lot like pushing her stuff to the edges because my stuff is far more interesting.
That’s kind of rude.

Listening is love

Listening is love. It’s an act of the will, an intentional nod in another person’s direction. When you love the storyteller, you need to be willing to listen without formulating your answers. That person really doesn’t need your opinion; she needs your humility and grace. She needs your ear and your uncluttered mind. She needs you to lock eyes with her, so she knows without a doubt you care.

This is exhausting. No wonder listening is a verb — the action of truly listening is a workout. Your listening-muscles will ache later, but keep at it. You just never know when a storyteller needs you to be ready.

Listening is love. Just ask my mom – she’s really good at it. I’m quite sure that’s why I carry all my most precious stories to her kitchen table. She pours tea. She sits across from me and gives me the gift of her undivided attention.

Thanks, Mom! Thanks for listening with your eyes.

Kathy Joy is the author of the children’s book, Will You Hold My Story? When her husband died suddenly, she had no one to listen to her grief and so she hired a counselor. Sally, the grief counselor, wisely advised Kathy to find someone else to hold her story alongside her.  But sometimes people can be so distracted by their activities and their own families, that God decided to create pets. Dogs are especially suited for cuddling, and walking beside you, and listening to your story. Listening moms and friends are absolute treasures.

 

 

Ages 4-8 Will You Hold My Story?
Meggi Beth and old man in Will You Hold My Story? by Kathy Joy

Contact

Click through to Amazon’s Learn More page here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08RLV59WH/
better together, Bridges, children's literature, Currency Exchange, featured, improvisation, ingenuity, Kathy Joy

Intricate Bridges of Strength and Beauty

It seems, in this murky year of unknowns, that we have all become bridge builders. By this, I mean we are learning to construct organic passageways between problems and solutions; we are building new platforms to help each other succeed.

A co-worker said it this way: “We are discovering new ways to do old things.”

She’s not wrong. If the word “innovative” carries any weight on a resume, then we need to add that to our portfolios.

Influencers are bridges between ideas and implementation. Let the intangible beget the tangible.

  • Friends are bridges between opportunity and reality.
  • Co-workers are bridges between dull days and brighter ones.
  • Connections are bridges between prayers and answers.
Old man walks away with his heavy stories from “Will You Hold My Story” by Kathy Joy

Recently, I was a recipient of one of these bridges between opportunity and reality and between prayers and answers. My publisher announced a connection to make my children’s book sing. “Will You Hold My Story?” is the recipient of some 32 illustrations of Brianna Osaseri, an winning artist who has agreed to produce poignant and imaginative works for the 32- page picture book.

I happened to be going through a particularly difficult time, and I can’t tell you how seeing these fascinating images elevated my sense of wonder about the story and added even more purpose.

When there’s a problem, there is a wonderful collaboration available to each of us with just an earnest request. Unseen reinforcements rush in like healthy blood to a wound. Bridges are built for walking into the future.

Virtual meetings, emails, phone calls, whatever it takes – the work is getting done and readers, or our customers, or clients are being helped.

More than a roll-up-your-sleeves-and-get-it-done attitude, it’s a large-scale scaffolding that materializes right under our feet, wherever we need reinforcements. Some people call this scaffolding “answers to prayer.”  Others call it “favor,” “blessing,” “feeling the love.”  No matter what you call it, we each know when we are in desperate need of it. And, we each know when we receive it.

  • It’s a coming-together of talent, experience, and care.
  • It’s the filling of a cup.
  • It’s the measures taken to keep us safe.

These are the bridges to each other’s stories, and to hope.

I, for one, am looking more closely at life for any random blessings that can provide walkways to better days for me and maybe for you:

  • an encouraging message on your voice mail, “Don’t think that for one moment, you are forgotten, Deary!”
  • that cup of coffee on a cold morning, and reading the review someone left on your last book.
  • a holiday card, whether it’s full of giggles or full of pathos,
  • help from a co-worker on a difficult issue
  • passing along someone’s story explaining a surprising twist of events when their own need was answered, miraculously
  • savoring the unique texture of a loved-one’s voice;

all of these, and more, are carrying us and moving us forward.

One of my favorite ways to help someone else along is to congratulate them with words or cards for an accomplishment.

It would be so easy for me to ignore their big win and to think, “Why isn’t it my day to reach the summit?”

My guess is, we will emerge from this wilderness seasoned hikers.

Do you recall doing something like this? As a child, I’d grin showing an adult my palms up, the inside of my cathedral made of my interwoven fingers, and I’d sing, “Here is the church, here is the steeple, open it up and here’s all the people!” Then, hiding all my fingers, I’d ask the patient adult, “Where are all the people?”

We adults still need other patient adults to make us some two-way bridges, don’t we? I need to show up for you on the bridge.  You need to show up for yourself and also for someone else on your bridge. Let’s look for one new way to receive a good step forward.  Let’s offer a bridge to someone else today in kindness or compassion.

At the summit, we will look down to see we have built networks, catwalks and swinging bridges we’d never before imagined. Intricate networks.

When you’ve built a bridge, you’ve constructed a cathedral of strength and beauty.

Even if it is intangible.

Kathy Joy, authorKathy Joy holds a Bachelor of Arts degree from Messiah College (Grantham, Pennsylvania) having majored in Journalism and Communication. Her career focused on radio journalism and later on government social work for family members with children in the Pennsylvania system of health and welfare. She is the author of four previous books, the series called Breath of Joy.
Her personal philosophy is that “by telling our stories, we give others permission to unload their own weights and worries.”

Most recently, Kathy Joy’s children’s book is scheduled to be published early in 2021, entitled, “Will You Hold My Story?” It features a stray little pooch and a stray, tired Meggi Beth (depicted by artist, Brianna Osaseri).

Kathy is an enthusiastic supporter of therapy dogs and dogs-in-general – they are loyal friends and excellent listeners.
As the author of four seasonal books, a social media influencer and inspirational speaker, Kathy Joy has found her voice in the world of children’s literature.
Kathy holds a bachelor’s degree in journalism and communication and says her favorite semester at Messiah College included the study of children’s books.

What is Your Next Must-Read?

Listen to a Creative podcast for creatives: https://pencilsandlipstick.libsyn.com/seeking-a-truce

 

Artistic development of a children's book, National Children's Grief Awareness Day, op-ed, Will You Hold My Story?

A Picture Book to be Aware of a Child’s Grief

traipsing home from school
Artist’s Sketch Meggi Beth in different perspectives
Busy woman in title Will You Hold My Story
Choosing the color scheme for the busy woman in Will You Hold My Story? picture book

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The late Mister Rogers is quoted as saying, “It’s ok to not be ok.”

November includes the National Children’s Grief Awareness Day, a day to honor kids who are grieving – in any season – and particularly as we journey into the holidays.

Children need to feel safe inside the space of their sorrow.

They need to tell about their story and tell about it to someone who is safe and available to hear it.

For Meggi Beth, it’s been hard lately to carry the weight of her story, which you may sense is a story of grief. In the picture book, “Will You Hold My Story?”, (artistry by Brianna Osaseri), this lovable little girl is patiently waiting for someone else to ease her burden. An endearing children’s book is one that carries meaning for both children and grownups.

Meggi Beth discovers two things along the way: a secret and a story-bearer who becomes a treasured friend. Settle in and get acquainted with the delightful characters who stop by to comfort Meggi Beth.

You may even recognize yourself in the story.

Scene from Will You Hold My Story
Artist’s Sketch Old Man Passing By Meggi Beth
Meggi Beth and old man in Will You Hold My Story? by Kathy Joy
Will You Hold My Story
Artist’s sketch Old Man Pats Meggi Beth

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sketch Will You Hold My Story
Artist’s Sketch Old Man’s Face Closeup

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sign up here for a special pre-order bonus! https://myfreebookgift.com/558/will_you_hold_my_story_landing_page/index.html

“Will You Hold My Story?” by Kathy Joy, to be released in February 2021.

ah autumn, breath of joy, children's literature, compassion, Currency Exchange, featured, ingenuity, Kathy Joy, op-ed

The Currency of Caring

So many of life’s decisions are money-driven: which college is most affordable for my graduate? … will the family be okay if something happens to me? … should I retire now, or wait a few years? … are those investments growing or will they be in the tank soon? Curbside, or in-store shopping?

It’s a luxury, really, to be able to ask these questions. Many of the families we affect through our writings are wondering how to heat the house, never mind investments or 401-K’s.

They are scrambling to keep the kids in school and deciding which creditors can be paid this month. Sure, some regrettable choices have landed them in a world of hurt, but aren’t we all one emotion shy of making the wrong choice?

Our resilient hearts are possibly the most valuable currency we have. One thing we can all bank on, for sure: we have the currency of caring.

ah autumn places your gps cannot locate
intersection of Hurt and Healing, the crossroads of Anger & Release, and the junction of Loss & Joy.

These intangibles — these treasures of survival —  are the currency that can never be stolen, lost or wrongly invested.

Let’s take a look at our impressive portfolio:

We have …

  • The bankroll of unexpected blessings.
  • The treasury of compassion.
  • The cache of childlike wonder.
  • The treasure chest of non-judgment.
  • The abundance of laughter.
  • The nest egg of Resilience.
  • The wealth of watchfulness; of caring for ourselves and each other.
  • The riches of simple joys, shared.

We have the coinage of humility; something we all should carry like extra quarters in our pockets if only to feed the meter of kindness.

Tending to life.

A brief little phrase that packs a wallop.

Can we all just take a moment for:

  • An elbow-bump, maybe even an air hug?
  • How about making soup for a shut in neighbor?
  • Taking a few minutes to shovel the sidewalk for someone else?

polished beach glass rough and tumbleIt just feels like Hope x 1,000 when I look around and see us tending to life.

As we continue being tossed and jostled by the turbulent waters of Covid-19 and a contentious election year, may we emerge smoothed and beautiful – like polished beach glass.

Kathy Joy is the author of the Breath of Joy Series and Will You Hold My Story, a child’s picture book, to be released in early 2021.
Kathy Joy, author

Book cover draft Will You Hold My Story

 

ISBN: 9780997162561 Our best-selling memoir by Golden Writers Joseph Byk and Lynn Byk. Funny, life-giving and wise.
Old man pats girl in title, Will You Hold My Story? by Kathy Joy
Old man walks away with his heavy stories from “Will You Hold My Story” by Kathy Joy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Subscribe to this author blog for new releases and inspiration here.