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A Rare Leadership Assessment Outline

By author Tonya Blessing

I am currently reading the book Rare Leadership by Marcus Warner and Jim Wilder.

Because I am still praying and processing the information contained in Rare Leadership, I am hesitant to wholeheartedly recommend all the material. There is, however, a portion of the book that includes maturity assessments.  I was reading one of the assessments and feeling proud that I had the items discussed in check.  Then, I realized that the assessment was for child-level maturity.

Tonya sells pillows and gift cards with Appalachian folk sayings on them.

The older I get, which also means the longer I am in ministry, I realize more and more that ministries are only as healthy as the people who lead them. It is a trickle-down effect. As a leader, if I am unhealthy emotionally, my teammates and those I lead and teach will be affected by my lack of emotional maturity.

Proverbs tells us that spiritual zealousness without maturity can be dangerous.

According to Warner and Wilder, there are four qualities of emotional maturity that can be used as a guide to assess our own maturity and also the maturity of others with whom we engage.

Remaining Relational

  • Do you avoid conflict?
  • Do you avoid people who upset you?
  • Do you use negative emotions (shame, anger, fear, disgust) to control people and outcomes?
  • When conflict arises do you make people choose sides or do you reach out to those who oppose you?

Acting Like Yourself

  • Do people walk on eggshells around you?
  • Do they feel safe disagreeing with you?
  • Do people share honest opinions with you?
  • Do people avoid bringing their problems to you?
  • Can people expect a tender response to their weaknesses?
  • Do you reveal your own weaknesses and ask for help?
  • Do you fear people discovering what you are really thinking and feeling?
  • Do you present yourself stronger than you really feel?

Returning to Joy

  • Do you know how to quiet yourself when you’re upset?
  • Do you isolate yourself during upsetting emotions?
  • Do you reestablish connections quickly after upset emotions?
  • Do you help others return to authentic relationships quickly from their unpleasant emotions?
  • Do you see moments of upset as opportunities to strengthen relationships?
  • Do you stay annoyed with people who trigger your emotions?
  • Do you ignore people when their emotions are not in sync with yours?
  • Do you help your group maintain an identity that is resilient in the face of difficulty?

Enduring Hardship Well

  • How much stress does it take for you to avoid relationships?
  • How much pressure can you handle before you snap and turn into a different person?
  • How much can you handle before you disappear and turn to your cravings for comfort?

I know that I am sharing a great deal of information.  Some of the questions included above could have pages of discussion written just about one item.  My goal in sharing about emotional maturity is not to cover things completely but to build a platform for us to evaluate on a basic level, and then pray and discuss with others how we can grow emotionally.

Here’s to emotional health and well-being!

Tonya is the co-founder/director of Strong Cross Ministries (SCM). She and her husband currently reside in South Africa, where they assist local leaders in helping their communities. She is also an author of two novels and the co-author of a resource book for women in Christian leadership. Tonya is a national and international speaker. She is especially passionate about helping women grow in Christ.

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Standard Questions from Strangers

By Novelist, Tonya Jewel Blessing

I recently read an internet article from “The California Globetrotter” written by an American expat, Lady Lola, living in Germany.

“No matter where I go and who I meet, there are always the standard questions everyone wants to know about America, and they ask me because I’m an American.

https://www.caliglobetrotter.com/15-questions-im-asked-as-an-american-living-abroad/

“Sometimes I feel like a monkey behind a cage, everyone looking inside wanting to look at it and ask questions about why it’s doing what it’s doing. But I remind myself, everyone is just curious about the American culture and people, and they want to hear it straight from the source.”

Some of the common questions Lady Lola receives as are follows: Did you vote for President Trump? Is there really so much gun violence in America? Is racism still a problem? Do you really drive everywhere? Why are Americans so loud? Have you actually met a famous person? Why do Americans smile all the time? And, Why do Americans put bacon on everything?

Questions often present an opportunity for growth

Recently, I feel plagued by questions where the answers are not readily available.  In some cases, I have kept concerns to myself. I am worried about being judged for my personal beliefs or even misunderstood in what I am saying or refrain from saying. Questions often present an opportunity for growth.

There is an interesting question-filled story in the Bible in the Book of Judges chapter 13. There, a woman, who is unable to have children, experiences an angelic visitation. The messenger tells her that she is going to have a son and gives instructions about how to parent this unusual boy. The woman then tells her husband, Manoah. The Bible says in verse 8 that Manoah prays to the Lord asking for answers to specific questions. God is not offended by Manoah’s inquiry and, in fact, responds with the needed information.

Have you been asking heartfelt questions lately? Maybe you have voiced some of those questions, or maybe you have felt intimidated to make inquiries. Rest assured that God wants to hear your concerns. He wants to help you and to bring clarification to your queries.

Manoah and his barren wife sacrifice a ram to the angel of the Lord (above); Manoah’s wife wears a wimple in Eustache Le Sueur‘s The Sacrifice of Manoah, 1640-1650.
Tonya Jewel Blessing

Tonya Jewel Blessing and her husband, Chris, manage their ministry in South Africa, Strong Cross Ministries. They have been hunkered down with a variety of hospitable family members through the Covid-19 world-wide crises, and separated from those they long to be helping. Tonya, having grown up partially in West Virginia, the Appalachian hills and hollers, is the author of unique fables: The Whispering of the Willows, and sequel, The Melody of the Mulberries. Those who have read the first two installments are hounding Tonya for her third book in the series.

Readers' Favorite Novel ISBN-13: 978-0997162547
This is Capture Books’ best-selling American-gothic novel by a Golden Writer.

A sequel is coming soon!

Synopsis: Fourteen-year-old Emie Ashby has been raised by an angry and repressed father since the end of WWI. Her mother cannot take the risk of defending her children. Instead, she turns a blind eye. In this way, she becomes part and parcel of the abuse of her daughters. Emie enters into trouble times as Aunt Grace provides a way to possibly survive it. How does Emie navigate the road that lies before her with so many threats nipping at her heels?

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