analysis, breath of joy, Bridges, Kathy Joy, op-ed

The Lowly Compliment

Kathy Joy

A compliment is usually a short phrase or sentence.

A compliment isn’t usually an essay or character development based on your uncle Henry. It doesn’t take a PhD or a master’s degree to offer one up.

The art of giving and receiving compliments is often pushed to the margins as an afterthought in life and business – but today let’s take a moment to applaud the power of the warmly-delivered affirmation.

Recently my daughter told me, “Mom, I’m in a bubble of sadness”. That was enough to make me want to get in my car and drive the two hours so I could burst her bubble.

Instead, I reminded her of her own talent for making others laugh.
She laughed, and I like to think she emerged from her little bubble in that moment onto a steadier footing.

A well-placed compliment, even a lowly one, can carry the day – and several days after that.

“I can live for two months on a good compliment.”
– Mark Twain

>Gratitude grows and fills the gaps where doubt once flourished. 
>Giving a compliment is a meaningful way of being fully present.
>Giving a compliment breathes hope into a difficult situation.
>Saying something positive is a booster shot of confidence.
>An honest and sincere compliment validates who we are.

While googling the difference between “complements” and “compliments”, I stumbled on an unconventional list compiled by a blogger named Mary. She is all about affirmations and “seeing ourselves more gently”. Here’s a sampling from Mary’s list, with a few of my own thrown into the mix:

15 Unique Compliments to Give Someone

1. You are as vibrant as a Lisa Frank angel kitty deluxe pen set.
2. I bet you were voted “Most Likely to Stay Fabulous” in high school.
3. Looking into your eyes is like looking into a kaleidoscope.
4. Your sense of childlike wonder brings others joy.
5. The world is so lucky that you exist right now.
6. You’re more fun than the corn pit at Port Farms.
7. Your ability to overcome adverse situations is inspiring.
8. If I had to choose between unicorns being real or keeping you in my life, I’d keep you.
9. You are cooler than The Fonz.
10. Your level of general awesomeness is getting a little out of control.
11. I’m consistently impressed by the dedication you give to your passions.
12. Your perspective is refreshing.
13. I’d rather do something boring with you than pop an unlimited supply of bubble wrap.
14. You’re so un-basic your pH level is almost zero.
15. Anyone’s coolness level increases by six percent just by being in the same room.

It is also a compliment to invite your best friends to your kid’s wedding when there isn’t a stay at home order in place. To give a nod to your favorite author in your next book is a valued compliment; to ask someone you highly respect to read and endorse your novel is a compliment you may have to pay for; It is a compliment to ask a good cook to bring whatever they’d like to cook to your family reunion because you trust their opinion and you’ve never tasted a bad thing from their table. My supervisor gave me a compliment when she said that she had sent my daily jabs for our company on to the division head over us.

Being a best friend, doing life with someone, is a compliment to each of you.

The Art of Receiving

Equally important as delivering a compliment, is receiving one.
Many of us tend to deny or deflect compliments others give us.
This is nonsense. Honor the giver by lovingly receiving what is shared. Simply say “thank you.”

And move on.

Allow the expression of gratitude to propel you into even better workflows, improved habits, more genuine depths of living.

Taking a compliment is one form of extending grace. It may have taken a bit of courage for your colleague to say something meaningful to you; take it the way you would a donut or a funny meme – with absolute pure delight!

Wear your compliment like a badge of honor. A badge of honor is a complement to you.


When nothing seems to be going right, dig deep into your emotional pocket and pull out a past compliment that has helped define who you are today. I have a folded up piece of paper I carry around in my wallet with three words written on it: warm, professional, funny. When my confidence is fragile, I unfold that paper and read the words my program director wrote in an evaluation, a long time ago. It’s a treasured note that carries me through the doubtful times.

Compliments give hope. Don’t be stingy with them.

Compliments are not “empty praises” … they are life-givers.

Compliments are not casual statements; they are launching pads to creativity and intention.

Kathy Joy/The Daily Jab/

 

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2 thoughts on “The Lowly Compliment”

  1. Let me practice your inspirational advice. This article is like looking through the window to fairyland. I will seek to put butterfly wings onto my compliments in the future.

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